[ There are a number of comments Elias could make about that, beginning with it felt very real and only getting more sarcastic.
He refrains. He's aware of exactly how tenuous his connection to the Archivist is here, and while he's intimately familiar with the various strings that can be pulled to try to manipulate him, he isn't in a rush to squander the pensive mood Jon seems to be in. ]
Picking up old bad habits again, hm?
[ he means the smoking rather than the telling things sincerely to the man who would happily throw you to the wolves. ]
[ He knew, even as a child, that his grandmother had no interest in him. That she resented his presence. Just like he knows that Elias hates him, and before he hated him, he didn't see him as anything more than a means to an end. And yet- ]
Hardly all that 'bad' when it's not going to kill me.
Oh, she would have taken full advantage of my current state to blind me and ensure that even if I did ever make it back, my connection to the Eye would be permanently severed.
[ He sounds almost fond at the thought of it. You can't help but admire the ruthlessness of the woman. ]
[ He's learned a few things. Not many, but a few. Like not to give away things without at least getting something you want out of it, if not everything. ]
Ah-- [ Elias sighs, sounding more pleased than anything else. ]
Of course. I'll be only a moment.
[ It's more than a moment, of course. Elias isn't sure this isn't a trap-- loathes that he can't know for certain it isn't. But it's unlikely, unless Martin is involved in the background. He had turned out to be much more of a devious thinker than expected, while Jon-- dear, straightforward Jon-- ]
You've learned not to simply give your hand away, Archivist. I'm impressed.
I try not to make the same mistakes more than... a few times.
[ He doesn't look at Elias, he looks out into the space around them, into the darkness and the stars between. He smokes his cigarette for a moment before he finally turns. ]
And my former inmate taught me a few things. Thankfully.
[ A soft chuckle. ]
She probably would have done something horrible to you, so it's for the best that she's graduated.
[ Despite seemingly trying not to look at him (odd, given his request to get him up here), he has his lighter still out and he'll offer a light once the man has his cigarette in place. ]
You would have liked her. She reminded me of Gertrude in a way.
[ He's quiet for a moment. A long moment. ]
There is a part of me, you know. That... longs. To work with you. To gain your approval. That still can't let go of the fact that you... chose me for a higher position.
[ One learns, over time, how not to react to things. Elias is particularly proud of his ability to keep a neutral face through just about anything. To See, without being seen to see.
He'd always been aware of Jon's desire for approval. He hadn't expected it to persist even here. He's careful not to show any reaction to learning of it. ]
Why shouldn't it be there? We aren't servants of the Lonely. What good is it to work towards something if it is never seen or acknowledged? Or in our case, understood by someone who can actually comprehend what something might mean?
[ He studies the cigarette in his hands. His tone is similar to the one he'd used that first day on the network-- neutral and cold. Jon can probably detect the thoughtfulness beneath it. ]
You saw how the majority of the others on board reacted to hearing what I used you to do. Very few comprehended just what it meant, for us or for the world. I suspect you've had as much luck warning others about me.
[ He makes an amused sound in the back of his throat. ]
While I keep being approached by people who'd like to see for themselves if I'm really all as terrible as all that. It's been decades since I've had such an active social life, I really don't know what to do with myself.
Most people here hardly understand anything from our world. They think fear is something they're beyond, something they can fight against with hard words and harder fists.
[ A soft huff and a shake of his head. ]
As I walk around like a cat in a fishery.
[ Fear all around, and a statements. So. many. statements. Thick enough in some that he feels like he can taste them when he talks to certain people. ]
This is the part, I suppose, where I'm supposed to show my hand by encouraging you to simply to take the statements you want from those reckless enough not to be wary of you. To which you'll respond along the lines of--
[ in a passable, though dramatic impressible of Jon: ] No, Elias. I would never do such a morally incorrect thing. It is important to respect the autonomy of everyone, even those who are begging to be taken advantage of. Our patron be damned!
[ He takes another drag on his cigarette, smiling faintly as he watches Jon's reaction. ]
[ That actually gets a short bark of a laugh and a shake of his head, a long drag of the cigarette, a subtle smile. He stares out at the stars. ]
I didn't drag you up here to be a caricature. I know you're not that... inelegant.
[ He lets the cigarette settle between his lips. ]
A ship full of murderers in a place where death has no meaning. But so so many of them are just... drowning in secrets. Fear. Terrible knowledge. [ He closes his eyes.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ He's surprised as well, though he'd never say as much. ]
no subject
I just-
[ A small swallow. ]
I can't imagine you-
The idea that you died-
I-I-I'm not trying to push your nose in it, it's just-
It doesn't feel real.
[ Quietly- ]
I'm on the deck.
no subject
He refrains. He's aware of exactly how tenuous his connection to the Archivist is here, and while he's intimately familiar with the various strings that can be pulled to try to manipulate him, he isn't in a rush to squander the pensive mood Jon seems to be in. ]
Picking up old bad habits again, hm?
[ he means the smoking rather than the telling things sincerely to the man who would happily throw you to the wolves. ]
no subject
Hardly all that 'bad' when it's not going to kill me.
[ That's not a no. ]
no subject
no subject
[ A soft chuckle. ]
Is that a good thing or a bad thing for an archivist?
no subject
... I am rather disappointed I missed her.
no subject
[ Very sure of that. ]
She was on the edge of it anyway.
no subject
[ He sounds almost fond at the thought of it. You can't help but admire the ruthlessness of the woman. ]
I can't see even Tim attempting that.
no subject
You’re still an inmate. Whatever else you are.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ He probably can't hide the trace of hunger in his voice from Jon. This he wants to know. ]
no subject
[ And he stops. ]
Come up. I'll tell you in person.
[ He's learned a few things. Not many, but a few. Like not to give away things without at least getting something you want out of it, if not everything. ]
no subject
Of course. I'll be only a moment.
[ It's more than a moment, of course. Elias isn't sure this isn't a trap-- loathes that he can't know for certain it isn't. But it's unlikely, unless Martin is involved in the background. He had turned out to be much more of a devious thinker than expected, while Jon-- dear, straightforward Jon-- ]
You've learned not to simply give your hand away, Archivist. I'm impressed.
no subject
[ He doesn't look at Elias, he looks out into the space around them, into the darkness and the stars between. He smokes his cigarette for a moment before he finally turns. ]
And my former inmate taught me a few things. Thankfully.
[ A soft chuckle. ]
She probably would have done something horrible to you, so it's for the best that she's graduated.
no subject
If only I had the words to express my gratitude. Alas.
no subject
You would have liked her. She reminded me of Gertrude in a way.
[ He's quiet for a moment. A long moment. ]
There is a part of me, you know. That... longs. To work with you. To gain your approval. That still can't let go of the fact that you... chose me for a higher position.
I hate it. But it's there.
no subject
He'd always been aware of Jon's desire for approval. He hadn't expected it to persist even here. He's careful not to show any reaction to learning of it. ]
Why shouldn't it be there? We aren't servants of the Lonely. What good is it to work towards something if it is never seen or acknowledged? Or in our case, understood by someone who can actually comprehend what something might mean?
[ He studies the cigarette in his hands. His tone is similar to the one he'd used that first day on the network-- neutral and cold. Jon can probably detect the thoughtfulness beneath it. ]
You saw how the majority of the others on board reacted to hearing what I used you to do. Very few comprehended just what it meant, for us or for the world. I suspect you've had as much luck warning others about me.
no subject
[ Wry, and more bitter than he’s like, but what else is new? Even with a few tricks, he’s still… himself. ]
Then again, I’m hardly charming, so really, I shouldn’t be surprised.
[ He looks out. ]
They don’t know. They don’t care.
But you won’t see half of them talk to me off the network, that’s the funny part.
no subject
While I keep being approached by people who'd like to see for themselves if I'm really all as terrible as all that. It's been decades since I've had such an active social life, I really don't know what to do with myself.
no subject
[ A soft huff and a shake of his head. ]
As I walk around like a cat in a fishery.
[ Fear all around, and a statements. So. many. statements. Thick enough in some that he feels like he can taste them when he talks to certain people. ]
no subject
[ in a passable, though dramatic impressible of Jon: ] No, Elias. I would never do such a morally incorrect thing. It is important to respect the autonomy of everyone, even those who are begging to be taken advantage of. Our patron be damned!
[ He takes another drag on his cigarette, smiling faintly as he watches Jon's reaction. ]
no subject
I didn't drag you up here to be a caricature. I know you're not that... inelegant.
[ He lets the cigarette settle between his lips. ]
A ship full of murderers in a place where death has no meaning. But so so many of them are just... drowning in secrets. Fear. Terrible knowledge. [ He closes his eyes.]
no subject
That's life, Archivist. Dread Powers or no. Terrible fear, lurking in the hearts of all things that have the audacity to draw breath.
We simply don't have the luxury afforded others to keep our eyes closed to it.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)